Stepping on The Mat: Yoga as a Mirror for Self-Discovery

Mirrors and Masks: Identity in Reflection

We look in the mirror every day and everywhere that reflection is visible through people, clothes, thoughts, gestures, feelings, and work ethics.

It appears and disappears continuously as we change from role to role, outfit to outfit, or place to place. 

In China, I learned extensively about “face culture”, the mask individuals wear to achieve harmonious cooperation, though it has a downside. A sacrifice is made at a cost of fitting into the circle or network.

Perhaps we lie, do more than necessary, or hold back feelings just for the sake of playing the game. 

A part of ourselves remains hidden, buried underneath expectations and pressures from the environment. Like a game of hide and seek, our identity is caught between light and shadow.

Confronting the Self

The unconscious, subconscious, and conscious are aspects of the mirror that must be brought to awareness.

The wilderness rehab forced me to confront my raw, destructive nature I desperately tried to avoid. I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t know who I was except for the relationships that defined me so far.

When we don’t like what we see, we search for ways to change something. Logically, we think that if we change the outside, the inside will too. 

Looks certainly can be deceiving.While a new car or promotion definitely feels expansive and novel, these changes are often temporary. And yet, our careers and consumer habits still leave us hungry.

We jump from one relationship to another, thinking that happiness and freedom are waiting around the corner elsewhere - anywhere but here.

Yoga as a Mirror and a Map

Until we stop and take the mask off, the mirror will show us what we really need to feel at peace. We need to pause and not chase the next high.

The unknown is scary and leaves us feeling naked in the absence of what we know or what we see.On the flip side, there are parts of ourselves we don’t want to give up. We cling to the ways things have been because we know nothing else.

It is a leap of faith to question your identity. I had to be pulled away from society and shoved into the desert. But not every manner needs to be so extreme. It is also as simple and powerful as stepping on your yoga mat.

By showing up on the mat, half the battle is done. The rest is about handling what arises during the practice.

Physical Practice Meets Emotional Awareness

Awareness shines naturally, but it’s easily obscured through layers of thoughts and emotions. 

We wrestle with physical discomfort and mental agitation. We judge, compare, analyze, boast, or drift while our body moves mechanically.

Our laziness, pride, anger, or sadness can follow us everywhere we go. And as soon as the class is over, it leaves before we do, ready to pick up where we thought we left it when we walked through the door. 

But what we leave behind, what truly needs to be discarded, will eventually appear. The recognition just isn’t there yet.

Learning Patience and Surrender

If we push too hard and disregard the natural intuition of finding our edge, the body sends a message through injury. This will give us a pause and a chance to slow down. A momentary blip to not chase the performative milestone marker of whatever difficult asana.

The frustration is real, but this is something we bring to the mat, not something the mat brought to us. There are all kinds of bad hair days.

Whether we want strength, flexibility, confidence, emotional balance, physical healing, peace, or clarity, that change is possible. But we must surrender to the process.  We must give up the idea or expectation of how things should look to others or to ourselves. We must be okay with the way things are first.

Before rehab, I wasn’t okay with the way things were, but thankfully, I persevered through the challenges of confronting myself.

First Steps on the Mat

During my vision quest, I had to come down from my peak moment high on the hilltop to the valley because it was time to go face-to-face with what life brought me next. There are highs and lows. 

If we change our attitudes and beliefs, the things we identify with seem to drop on their own.

When I had my first drop-in class at the Omega Institute in 2010, I left the studio with a smile on my face. The teacher’s name was Joe and his big glasses protruded his eyes across the room. 

On the mat, I felt curious and awkward since I never moved my body with my breath, but it felt right. Joe would come over and assist me, like one of my wilderness guides, showing me the way through the sequence.

Each pose led to another, leaving me in doubt about what or how I would be able to do the next step. With a little faith and courage, the unknown leads us to a place where we can free ourselves from the fog. 

This is what robs us of our full potential. 

Doubt causes us to do things we don’t want to do, to believe things that aren’t true, and to wear a mask when we shouldn’t have to. Identity is a projection, not just a reflection.

Change is more about letting go, not adding on. 

A Smile and a Glimpse of Transformation

What I saw in the mirror didn’t need to change. It was the lens of focus that left me in the shadows. It was about what I wasn’t seeing. The mask came off albeit temporarily.

When I left Joe’s class, I remember simply smiling. Thus, the unknown left me again in a curious daze about where this smile came from and why it hid this long.